You Are Doing Your Best -
​But It Doesn't Feel Like Enough
You are constantly trying to make your life better, smoother, easier, and more successful. It's a project, a way of life for you, but you aren't getting ahead - only keeping up, and some days, not even that. Most parts of life involve responsibility - things you need to do, handle, manage, schedule, and take care of.
You are managing, making do, getting by, isn't that what moms do?
You are coordinating life, managing all the things, and meeting all the needs - without stopping to see if it's what you really want. You may have the main things you wanted - a marriage (even if it's falling apart), a home (even if it's not the one you want), and the family (even if you wish it could be bigger) you wanted. The day to day life however, is mainly responsibility - there are some moments here and there that are enjoyable - but on the whole, most of your day to day activities feel like burdens, not privileges.
Responsibility has lost its joy
Responsibility can be a wonderful privilege, when done wisely, and a heavy burden when we don't know how to manage it well. Our brains understand that it's okay for us to have needs. Our hearts and lived experience tell us otherwise. This is the disconnect between knowing and doing. You know you have needs. But there are no restrooms nearby and it's quite uncomfortable; the baby was up in the night, and you are tired; you didn't think you would get this hungry and realize you didn't pack enough food. Technically, you are managing - you didn't wet yourself, you got through the day, and you eventually can get your needs under control.
Your needs aren't the problem - not paying attention to them is
Your brain knows it's okay for you to have needs, but not recognizing or honoring them is what keeps you in the same cycle, the same not making progress. Start noticing and acknowledging your needs - when you are hungry, tired, or need the bathroom. Notice when something makes you feel angry, hurt, or uncomfortable. Find a small way that you can take action on the need.
Life is full of things that need to be done, and plenty of them are things we may not love doing. We can do those things and do them in a way that honors our own needs.
If you are having a hard time matching what you know to be true with what you need to do, make sure you catch the next post, which will go deeper.