At the bike path, people were passing me
left and right, even though it was like 6 in the morning. Most days (when I'm full of energy), I barely see a single soul, but today, when I forced myself to walk crawl, joggers were everywhere. At one single moment, there were two joggers running towards me and another passing me from behind, with plenty more before and after that. Annoying for sure. Later, when I was at one of my daughter's activities, I had a complete emotional breakdown with tears and all. Also the house was messy and I was fighting a migraine. How could that possibly have been beautiful? Well...it's how I treated myself. Today, and the days, weeks, months, and even years leading up to today.
I have supportive friends who hugged me while I cried (even though they are going through far larger difficulties themselves). My mom not only drove an hour and a half to come see us, she brought an amazing lunch and listened to me babble excitedly about health and bettering oneself because, well, that's my current favorite topic. I got to listen to my daughter happily play with her miniverse kitchen, chat with my mom, lay on the couch and close my eyes, and feel the love of other friends who texted me. How did this even get to be my life? Well, it's how I treat myself and how I allow others to treat me. Supporting myself and being kind to myself used to be foreign concepts to me. I just assumed I did them, after all, I wasn't intentionally mean to myself and i knew I was important and special. But I didn't go out of my way to be kind to myself or grateful for my efforts. I actually thought it was a little lame - wow you opened your eyes today, congratulations! I thought it was a bit ridiculous until I started taking small steps towards appreciating my efforts, and recognizing that I didn't HAVE TO get dressed today, get up, give my kids breakfast, empty the dishwasher. I used to view these things as things I did have to do - automatic givens. And when I fell short, I judged myself for it. I changed my view, from a list I needed to do, to an empty list. Every time I did a single task, that task went to the "I did it!" list. Not an actual list but more of a mental tracker - where I recognized each and every thing that I did as a win, not an expectation. I grew happier, stronger, and better able to manage myself and my responsibilities.
That alone was a game changer towards creating a kinder, happier, more supportive lifestyle, because how we treat ourselves is a HUGE indicator of how others treat us. But that support can carry over to every scenario when we are kind or difficult with ourselves. When I delay my evening routine, my family takes that as a cue to bring me their latest and greatest troubles close to 9pm even though I have told them plenty of times that 8 pm is the limit. But when I am starting my routine at 8pm, that is somehow a silent signal to them that I am not to be disturbed.